![]() "Hotspousing" sounds like Sriracha or firefighting, so I would propose "hotmating"-both mates feeling hotter as the result of some "mating competition" frisson. And that's not what it feels like at all. So: can we change the language, please? "Hotwifing" makes him the agent and purpose of my sexual experiences. And I would like to think that that symmetry is the result of the 18 years of effort we've put into good communication and getting over cultural hang ups. But the inverse is true too: I have the impulse to claim him, I make him tell me what he's done and thought, and we share the thrill. He has the impulse to "claim" me before and after I like the thrill of his making me tell him what I've done and thought. My spouse gets off on me getting excited for a potential date. I write to take issue with the term "hotwifing" as inaccurate and stuck in antifeminist/heteronormative thinking. And we are getting off on each other and the reality and possibility of sleeping with others, FWB and strangers. Following a seven year "dormancy" of our non-monogamous shenanigans (and, largely, our own marital sex life), spring has sprung. Pre-kids, we each did some fooling around/sleeping with friends, separately and together, exploring kinks along the way. I've been with my husband 16 years, married for eight, open the whole time (starting as an idealistic long distance college kid relationship, we placed our earnest emphasis on trust, honesty and loyalty over monogamy-everything since has flowed from that).
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